Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Headlines that could be dated April 1

Something was in the air this year: many headlines in serious outlets struck me as appropriate for April Fools Day.

Non-political ones come first:

Coffee beans not vital for human survival, Switzerland decides

Dairy Queen burgers are not made of human flesh, county coroner is forced to confirm

The Ohio State University wants to trademark its favorite word: ‘The’
"officials filed Application No. 88571984 with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office last week, seeking a trademark for the word “THE” to use it on items including T-shirts, caps and hats."

Bodyguard to Saudi king reportedly shot dead by friend
...with friends like these...

A Prisoner Who Briefly Died Argues That He’s Served His Life Sentence
A court in Iowa found that a murderer who was revived “is either still alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is actually dead, in which case this appeal is moot.”

Investors who lost $190m demand exhumation of cryptocurrency mogul
Canadian company founder took crucial password to the grave

Are vegetables vegan?

Wisconsin town to legalize snowball fights after 50-year ban

Judge blocks California’s alligator ban after Louisiana sues

Why is Gwyneth Paltrow selling a candle that smells like her vagina?

‘Mad’ Mike Hughes, who vowed to prove the flat-Earth theory, dies in homemade-rocket disaster

Alabama bill may lift yoga ban in public schools but prohibit 'namaste' greeting

Nevada Brothels Requiring Customers To Wear Masks

Astrophysicist gets magnets stuck up nose while inventing coronavirus device

Turkmenistan Has Banned Use Of The Word 'Coronavirus'

And a special section of (American) politics, if you can call it that:

Donald Trump’s interest in buying Greenland stuns Denmark
‘Greenland is not for sale, and can’t be sold,’ says island’s government

Trump cancels Denmark trip after PM says Greenland is not for sale
President says he is postponing meeting with Mette Frederiksen because she was not interested in discussing transaction

Trump blasts report claiming he wanted to nuke hurricanes

Trump border wall between US and Mexico blows over in high winds

Trump’s border wall, vulnerable to flash floods, needs large storm gates left open for months

Sarah Palin stuns TV viewers by rapping Baby Got Back dressed as a bear

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